On a Spring morning along the Sea of Galilee some 2,000 years ago, the Risen Jesus asked his disciple Peter this deeply personal question: βDo you love me?β
At first glance, we might expect Peter to give a wholehearted, βYes!βΒ After all, Peter is one of Jesusβ first disciples. He left his fishing nets behind long ago and made many sacrifices to follow Jesus as a disciple for the last three years. Moreover, Peter was made an apostle, given the keys of the kingdom, and made the rock upon which Christ would build his Church.
Thatβs why Jesusβ question, βDo you love me?β seems on the surface to be a no-brainer. Of course, Peter loves Jesus!Β Peter the fisherman-turned-disciple, Peter the chosen apostle, Peter the First Popeβsurely, he would be a model of faithfulness!
But the word Jesus uses for βloveβ here makes Peter pause.Β The Gospel of John employs the Greek word agapao, which describes total, unconditional, self-giving loveβthe kind of committed, sacrificial love Jesus models throughout his life, most especially on the Cross.Β Jesus, therefore, is not asking Peter if he loves merely with ordinary human affection. Another Greek word, phileo, describes thank kind of loveβthe tender love of friendship, but not all-encompassing. Rather, Peter is being asked if he loves as Christ loves.Β Does Peter love Jesus with agape love?
Falling Short
At this, Peter holds back. He knows he canβt go there. He sadly wishes he could say yes, and in the past, his naΓ―ve over-zealousness may have led him to do so.Β In fact, not too long ago, Peter even boldly pledged his absolute fidelity to Jesus, saying at the Last Supper, βLord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to deathβ (Luke 22:33). But his three-fold denial of Christ later that same night made painfully clear Peterβs shortcomings in agape. Peter gives in to fear, betrays his friend three times and turns away weeping bitterly when he realizes what he has done. He has tasted the bitter sorrow of his weakness and infidelity.
So now, a much more humbled Peter qualifies his affirmation of love. He admits to Jesus, βLord; you know that I love you (phileo).β Itβs as if Peter is saying, βYou of all people, Jesus, know how far away I am from agape. You know that I am only capable of loving you with my weak, imperfect human love: philia.β
Jesus, however, doesnβt back down. He asks a second time, βDo you love (agapao) me?β Again, Peter humbly admits he can only love Jesus with his poor human love: βLord; you know that I love you (phileo).β
Jesus Meets Us Where We’re At
Finally, Jesus changes the question. He does not lower the standard of love in any way, but he does lower himself to meet Peter where heβs at.Β He accepts what Peter can offer, even if itβs only weak, human love. He uses the word phileo: βDo you love (phileo) me?β In this, Jesus puts himself on Peterβs level and does not demand that Peter immediately rise up to his. And thatβs encouraging to Peter. He replies to Jesus as if to say, βLord, you know everything. You know this is all I can do on my own. The best I am capable of offering is my weak, broken, human love: philia. I wish I could do more, but I humbly entrust this very imperfect gift to you.β
And here we come to the most amazing part of the storyβand the one that sheds light on the drama of our own walk with the Lord.Β Jesus accepts this imperfect human love of Peterβs and transforms it into agape. Peter finally presents himself to Jesus as he really isβnot in the inflated view he previously had of himself or in the ideal way heβd like to live somedayβbut in the truth of his own fragility. And once Peter does that, once he comes to terms with the truth about himselfβthat he is simply not capable of agapeβa new era begins in Peterβs friendship with Christ. At precisely this moment, Jesus suddenly starts talking about how Mr. PhiliaΒ Peter will one day live agape like Christ himself did. Peter will be changed. His heart will be transformed.Β One day, Peter will find his hands stretched out on a cross like Jesusβ were on Good Friday. Indeed, Jesus foretells Peterβs crucifixion in Rome: ββwhen you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will gird you and carry you where you do not wish to goβ (This he said to show by what death he was to glorify God)β (John 21:18-19).
The story of Peterβs transformation is the story God wants to write in the hearts of all disciples.Β Jesus wants to meet us where weβre at, as we are, with all our fears, wounds and sins, and transform our philia hearts into agape.
Indeed, what Jesus did in Peter, he will do in all of usβif we learn to follow him as a disciple.
Discipleship: It’s All About Transformation
The Biblical theme of discipleship reminds us of how being Catholic is not a stagnant reality: βI identify on this survey as Catholicββ¦. βI attend Mass on Sundaysββ¦.βIβm orthodox in my beliefsβ. All that is very good, but living as a disciple involves much more. Discipleship is something intensely dynamic. It implies movement and transformation as the disciple deepens his friendship with Christ and becomes ever more like Him.
Indeed, a disciple recognizes two fundamental truths:
- The truth about himself: his many weakness, failures and areas where he falls short of living like Christ.
- The truth about what heβs made for: being conformed to the image of Christ, living like him, thinking like him, loving like him.
A true disciple knows what heβs made for: transformation in Christ (B). But he also knows the many ways he falls short (A). Discipleship is all about moving from A to B.
When our Catholic Tradition speaks of βgrowing in holiness,β βpursuing sanctityβ and βbecoming saints,β itβs basically describing this life-long process of a Christian disciple being ever more transformed by Godβs graceβbeing changed into Christβs likeness βfrom one degree of glory to anotherβ (2 Cor 3:18).
This article is based on Edward Sriβs new book on discipleship,Β Into His Likeness: Be Transformed as a Disciple of Christ