Itβs something Iβve heard many Christiansβ especially college students and young adultsβsay in recent years. βI feel called to be a leader.β βI feel God is calling me to marriage.β βI donβt feel called to go on this retreat.β βI donβt feel called to be a part of this Bible study group.β
While discerning Godβs will is certainly important, I sometimes I wonder how much this βI donβt feel calledβ talk really has to do with a divine call and how much it is about oneβs own feelings and fears, likes and dislikes. In other words, how much does βI donβt feel calledβ simply translate to βI donβt want toβ?
If someone from my parish invites me to participate in a certain ministry that does not attract me, instead of honestly saying, βNo thank you, Iβm not interested in thatβ I spiritualize my βnoβ by saying, βI donβt feel called.β Or if I am afraid of living in a new city for a job, for graduate school, or for an opportunity to serve the Church, instead of saying βI donβt want to move to a place where I donβt know anyone,β I say, βI donβt feel called.β
Some young people even over-spiritualize the way they end dating relationships. Instead of honestly saying, βI donβt want to date you anymoreβ or βI donβt think this relationship is working,β young men will say to their girlfriends, βI donβt feel called to date you anymore. I think God is calling me to discern the priesthood now.β Some people seem so afraid of owning their decisions or admitting their preferences, interests, and desires, that they bring God into the process and blame Him for the choices they make.
Why do we do this? Sometimes, βI donβt feel calledβ can serve as a handy spiritual trump card to protect myself from truly being open to Godβs will. Fearing a certain possibility, I rule it out from the beginning by saying, βI donβt feel called.β Or if I donβt want to give a rational explanation to others for my decisions, I can just tell people, βI donβt feel called.β Or if I want to back out of a commitment Iβve made but feel a little guilty about not fulfilling my responsibilities and letting others down, I bring God into the mix and say, βI donβt feel called to do this anymore. I feel God is calling me to do something else now.β
Trust Your Feelings?
Discernment can focus too much on oneβs feelings. A personβs rationale for her decisions might go something like this: βThis is my passion, so this must be what God wants for meβ βThis makes me so excited . . . it makes me come alive, so that means it is Godβs will for me.β But notice how much focus there is on self in this kind of talk (my passion, what makes me excited). While a consideration of feelings and desires may be part of the discernment process, we must remember that God often calls us to do things we may not feel like doingβthings we may, in fact, initially dread. Indeed, there are many things in life we are called to do that have nothing to do with how we feel.
For example, just the other night, my wife was ill and needing rest, but our toddler got out of her bed and came wandering in our room at 2:00 am, saying, βI need a diaper change.β My wife was the first to notice while I remained in a deep slumber. She gently tapped me on the shoulder and asked, βCould you take care of Josephine?β Imagine if I had just rolled over and said, βNo, honey. . . I donβt feel called.β
Getting out of bed at 2:00 am to change a dirty diaper does not make me passionate or excited. But my feelings really should not be an important part of this particular decision. In this situation, getting up to change the diaper is simply a responsibility I have, a matter of serving my family.
βBut I Donβt Feel Peace about This . . .β
It is true that we should have a certain peace about our decisions. But this does not mean God will never call us to do something that is initially very troubling. Just consider the great heroes of the Bible. Moses felt overwhelmed when God called him to confront Pharaoh and lead the people of Israel out of Egypt. The prophet Jeremiah worried that he was too young for the daunting task of calling Israel and the nations to repentance. Even the Blessed Virgin Mary βwas greatly troubledβ when God called her to become the mother of the Messiah. Imagine if these heroes had said no to Godβs call simply because it caused them great trepidation.
Similarly, God often called the great saints out of their comfort zones to do things that were very difficult, scary, and painful. Mother Teresa, for example, was asked by Jesus to leave her religious community, the Sisters of Loreto, and to start a new religious order dedicated to the poorest of the poor. Her private writings reveal that this call caused her great fear. She was afraid of leaving her beloved Loreto Sisters, of starting a new order, of the difficult life of radical poverty, and of the possibility of failure. But underneath those initial, superficial fears, one detects in Mother Teresa a deeper fear: a fear of not doing what God wants for her; a fear of letting self-interest enslave her and keep her from pursuing Godβs will.
In the end, Mother Teresa viewed her life not as a pursuit of her own feelings, interests, and desires, but as a gift to be given to God to serve His purposes. Instead of following her initial emotions of fear and dread, she rose above her feelings and pursued Godβs demanding call for her. She left everything dear to her and, stepping completely out into the unknown, founded the Missionaries of Charity. The world would be a different place if Mother Teresaβs initial fears had driven her to say, βI donβt feel called.β
In Dialogue with God
St. Ignatius of Loyola taught that we should not base decisions on our initial feelings. Often, those first emotions of fear or anxiety arise from disordered attachments. Godβs peace is a deep, abiding peace in our souls, and is not usually found in our superficial, initial responses to Godβs will.
When discerning Godβs will in our lives, we should have the disposition of Mary at the Annunciation. Though she was βgreatly troubledβ by the angelβs initial message, she remained open to Godβs will. As Lukeβs Gospel tells us, Mary βconsidered in her mind what sort of greeting this might beβ (Luke 1:29). Benedict XVI once noted that the word Luke uses for βconsidered,β dielogizeto, is derived from the Greek root word meaning βdialogue.β The term denotes an intense, extended reflection, one that triggers a strong faith. This indicates that even though Mary was troubled by what the angelβs greeting might mean for her life, she does not turn away from the Lordβs call. She remained an attentive listener to Godβs Word. As Benedict explains, βMary enters into an interior dialogue with the Word. She carries on an inner dialogue with the Word that has been given her; she speaks to it and lets it speak to her in order to fathom its meaning.β1 Mary thus responds like Samuel, who at the first promptings of God stirring in his heart did not close the door to Godβs call, but humbly put his life at the Lordβs disposal, saying, βSpeak, for your servant hearsβ (cf. 1 Sam. 3:10).
1 Joseph Ratzinger, βHail, Full of Grace: Elements of Marian Piety according to the Bibleβ in Hans Urs von Balthasar and Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, Mary: The Church at the Source, trans. Adrian Walker (San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 2005), 70.
This article appeared in the September/October 2013 edition of Lay Witness Magazine.